Now, Not Later

Now, Not Later

When someone dies, there is always the inevitiable outpouring of grief and wonderful things are said about the person who has passed away.  This is beautiful and heartfelt and painful and cathartic but also, I think, a missed opportuntiy to say these things to a...
Suzanne

Suzanne

My lungs feel as if they are full of sand and my heart is heavy today but I’ve come outside regardless. I’ve come to spend some time in nature, alone with my thoughts, a note book and a pen because life is fleeting and tomorrow is never promised. A few...
Everything Changes

Everything Changes

I hate change, or at least I’m not very good at it.  I’ve never liked it and have always found it unsettling.  Whether it was starting at a new school, a new job, a new relationship there would be the anxiety, the tears and the sure and certain knowledge...
Blip

Blip

I stopped writing and I think that’s where it all went wrong. Everything got too big. It built up and up and had nowhere to go and I began to implode. Often when I need to write most I find it hardest to do. I start worrying that what comes out wont be good...
Storms

Storms

Storms may ravage us, but we can rebuild. It was the day after storm Doris and the air wass fresh, the sky blue, the birds were singing, and everything felt serene. If somebody had just arrived, they would have had no idea of the violence of yesterday’s weather....
Breathe

Breathe

When it all gets too much, remember to breathe. More than that, focus everything on your breath for a short time and bring yourself back to where you are. Nothing is as bad as you feel it is in those moments of panic. Try, if you can, to get it under control before it...
Spring

Spring

Depression is the winter of the soul, but spring will come if we can just hold on. It won’t be long, I can feel it in the air. The days are getting longer and the night is ebbing away. My heart is starting to flutter with the excitement of renewal.  I adore the...
What’s The Meaning Of All This?

What’s The Meaning Of All This?

During my 38 years on this planet, I have often pondered the meaning of life.  I have asked myself time and again – “why am I here and what is my purpose?” I would drive myself mad trying to work out what the grand plan was. Would I be destined for...
Recovery Is…

Recovery Is…

Recovery is the space in between.  The peaceful moments that separate anxiety attacks and depressive episodes. Recovery is knowing you may go through it all again, but understanding you will come out the other side stronger and more equipped to deal with it the next...
Once Upon a time 

Once Upon a time 

Chapter One I once lived with someone and she was awful. She wouldn’t let me eat and she tried to control every decision I ever made. Whenever she looked at me the criticism would begin. “You’re fat”. “You’re ugly”....